On the 8^th of April 2013, at 17h49, I received the awaited call from SAWIP’s Program Manager, Kim Williams. It was a call that I had received twice before. She said: “Thank you for applying for SAWIP”. She said it in that tone of voice that one is certain precedes that dreaded word: “unfortunately”. Fortunately, she then said: “I would like to offer you a place on the SAWIP 2013 team”. I coolly responded that I would have to think about it (as if!). My (very quick) response was: “Yes! I accept your offer!” There are still moments, when I think about the fact that I am a member of the SAWIP 2013 team, that it is a little surreal. It is especially surreal to me because of the (SAWIP) journey that I have travelled to arrive at this point.

My SAWIP journey began in 2009. It was in 2009 that I first learned about SAWIP, via one of the SAWIP posters on campus at UWC. I did not apply in 2009 because I had already committed to something else (whose dates coincided with SAWIP).

I first applied for SAWIP in 2010. I made it to selection camp, and while disappointed that I was not offered a place on the SAWIP 2010 team, I was grateful for the experience (application form, interview, and selection camp). The experience was an invaluable exercise in self-learning. My self-awareness was greatly enhanced. I also met people who inspired and challenged me (some of whom I am still in contact with today). It was a truly meaningful experience.

In 2011, I reapplied for SAWIP confident that I had grown in the year that had passed, and optimistic about my chances of going that one step further. I again made it to selection camp, and was extremely disappointed when I was not offered a place on the SAWIP 2011 team. It was, however, through this experience that I learnt one of the invaluable lessons I have learned in my life: how to deal with disappointment (which in life is inevitable). I will forever be grateful to SAWIP for providing me with the opportunity to learn this most invaluable lesson. It is a lesson which has served me well on many occasions since my SAWIP 2011 experience.

I did not apply for SAWIP in 2012 as I had (as in 2009) already committed to something else whose dates coincided with SAWIP.

I applied again this year. On the eve of the selection camp, I was sceptical and felt rather foolish for attending a third selection camp. I thought: “Am I really going to go through this again? Play the rope game again!” (I am not the rope game’s biggest fan). I decided to commit to it. I made the decision to see it as an opportunity to measure my growth, to learn, to be challenged, and to meet new people (and hopefully make new friends).

 

The purpose of me sharing this story is to point out what I have already learnt as a result of SAWIP. I have learnt that the only real failure in life is the failure to:

• Try
• Try again
• Do one’s best in one’s trying (or trying again)

 

Once one makes an attempt, there are only outcomes; and lessons to be learnt from the process. What one chooses to do with those lessons is what is most important. We can choose to use those lessons to either become better, or to become bitter; to either improve, or to stagnate.

One of the many pearls of wisdom shared by Viktor Frankl, in his book Man’s Search for Meaning, is the following: “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” In the final analysis, we are each responsible for our own life and character: for who we are, who we are becoming, and who we become.

It has taken some time for me to arrive at this point in my SAWIP journey. I am very grateful for, and excited about, this journey that we, the SAWIP 2013 team, have embarked on. It is a journey which, in different ways for each one of us, has been hard won. I would not, however, change any part of my journey as it needed to be what it has been. I now get to enjoy the fruits of my tenacity and perseverance. Yet even as I do, I am very conscious of the fact that my SAWIP journey, and the learning and growing that comes with it, has only just begun.

I have always prided myself on being a flexible person mentally. As an inquiring and analytical mind, I have always sought justification for behaviours and opinions. As a scientist, I sought cause for reaction. I believed this made me tolerant (and I still do) of other’s perceptions and angles of thought.

 

I am a great devotee of the Sherlock Holmes school of thought: observation and deduction. Though I am very much an extrovert at first sight, I love to sit central or at the fringes of a conversation and map out personalities and mindsets. I observe and then I put on my deerstalker thinking cap and deduce the motivations behind what was said or implied.

 

Two years ago I made a very conscious decision to “broaden my horizons”, as the clichéd adage encourages. I chose to veer of the road more travelled. I chose to find the strangest and most foreign conversations and platforms I could to assimilate from. I went on a quest to understand, not only myself but people.

 

An abstract and ambitious journey, one would think.

 

I do believe I’m very much the product of nurture, not nature (I do however subscribe to the wonderful world of epigenetics). I was raised in a wonderful, loving home where I was encouraged and supported to better myself through education and experience. As I entered high school, I realised that the people surrounding me were not representative of our country alone. I felt like I needed new influences in my life; I wanted to learn more about mindsets and cultures and individuals.

 

My education at the University of the Western Cape did a lot to make me fall in love with my quest for expanding my reference base. I met new people; people whom I normally would not have crossed paths with. I got to work with them, learn from them, laugh with them and appreciate how what they taught me unknowingly shaped my views.

 

I applied to SAWIP because I fell in love with my fellow South Africans. I wanted to be equipped to empower my community and the society. It was in this incredible time in my life that I met my colleagues and friends, the SAWIP team of 2012, and was privileged enough to journey through four months of the SAWIP experience by their sides.

 

I quickly learnt I was not as flexible as I thought. I would sit at a table, while fourteen different people reached fourteen different conclusions on a matter with fourteen different trains of thought. I reached my own, following my own process of thought. I could argue from a moral point of view, but legal and economical implications never jumped into my mind. Also, I would not always consider every culture or individual’s objection to the matter based on beliefs, purely because I did not know.

 

One of the team members gave me one the greatest compliments I have ever received after our three months together: he told me he could no longer push my buttons, though I still have one or two left.

 

Because in the three months of the SAWIP journey, I have been exposed and educated on so many subjects and methods of thought that I no longer believe my views are supreme. I no longer stubbornly defend my beliefs, without considering the opposition’s motivation. I am a feminist and believe every woman should be the equal of a man, but I now understand the cultural implications of trying to impose this view on others. I still stand by my beliefs, if I find them truthful; I just understand the opposition and can make allowances in my actions for this difference of motivation or mindset. And this openness of mind has also led me to challenge every belief I had, and change a great deal of them.

 

SAWIP has been mental yoga to me. I have stretched my mind to consider all implications in an argument: legal, economical, moral, historical, social and political. Having a team of bright minds in each sector to peer-educate me and to guide our problem solving minds has truly allowed me to become flexible mentally. The rich diversity of the team and their friendship and support has also guided me to understand that tolerance should not be the objective, but acceptance; Acceptance based on an informed understanding of what justifies behaviour and opinions.

 

I hope to continue the legacy of my SAWIP journey, by always valuing curiosity to overcome ignorance, exposure to diversity to shape opinions and acceptance, encompassing tolerance, to guide my choices and behaviour. If I honour this, I may one day truly have no more buttons to push.

We are back home safely in South Africa. My experiences in Washington D.C., were beyond amazing. I cannot think of a single appropriate adjective in my dictionary that I would not use to describe my DC experiences. It was that fantastic, and more! Now that we are back on home ground, I will be able to reflect in depth about the past few weeks. This post-DC reflection is a re-telling of the last night in DC. I almost thought that I was lost, again...

 

We had our farewell reception on Friday evening. Shortly after midnight while at a place called My Brother’s Place for our farewell after party, I decided that I had to go home since I wanted to be up early to pack and run a few errands on Saturday morning. My host sister, Molly, and I checked the bus times on her cell phone, I said goodbye and left with a few people going to the Metro (train) Station, although we were all going to different directions.

 

I got off at Dupont Circle Metro Station, and must have waited at the bus stop for over half an hour. Just as I was about to return to the subway, a group of youth walked my way to join me in waiting for the bus. I asked if they could please check at what time we could expect the next bus. The web results returned with the news that there were “no [bus time] predictions” until 6am. I immediately thanked them and went back on the Metro Station to the Tenleytown AU stop. Upon arrival, I found it pouring with rain. I boarded a shuttle, homeward bound. As soon as I spotted Nebraska Ave and Ward Circle through the misty glass windows, I got off the bus at the next stop. I must have really been deep in thought because I got off at the wrong bus stop, although, I did not realise this immediately. It was only after walking a few, brief steps that I saw, read, and heard (as if I could hear the Metro Bus voice saying) Westover Place. I was thoroughly irritated with myself, although I managed a slight giggle. This time round, I wasn’t lost, entirely. I knew at least two routes to get me home. I kept walking while trying to text and holding up my umbrella to prevent the rain from making me feel damper. I tried hailing down two taxi’s, but neither stopped.

 

I had $ 0.59 remaining credit on my cell phone. This meant that I could send text messages, but not make outgoing phone calls. In-between texting Molly to inform her that I was still not home, almost 2 hours after leaving our farewell party, and asking her to call me back, I learnt that Molly could not get through to me because of the low credit on my phone. This meant that I could only send and receive text messages. However, I could not make nor receive phone calls. I felt so embarrassed. Fortunately, I made friends along the way. I introduced myself to Travis and Shatavari who were walking a few feet behind me. I was honest about my situation and asked if I could use one of their phones to call a taxi. They kindly agreed. During my call to the taxi operating centre, the operator asked me for my name. Now, on any other day, I would have slowly said Makhosazana and if the need arose, repeated my name by clearly enunciating my name in its five syllables as Ma-kho-sa-za-na. However, considering the time of day, and the fact that it was not my cell phone bill I was running up, I told the lady on the line that I am Khosi, a shortened version of my name. Within 5 minutes, a taxi came to pick me up.

 

A man named Adam from Ethiopia drove me home. After exchanging greetings and deciding on a route home, he gave me a word of caution. He had tried reaching me on my cell phone before he found me at my said location. Since I was unable to receive incoming calls, he was unable to reach me. I know that I was at fault. I apologised. I was happy when we turned into my DC home street.

 

I have retold this story several times. I have been laughed at and even called a moemish (moomish/mumish – subject to spelling preferences) by my dear SAWIPers. There are plentiful DC experiences that we will share on and reflect on for years to come. Ironically, this feeling of being lost, is one that I am currently carrying with me. I am back to what has been familiar to me for the greatest part of my life. And yet, I cannot help but feel somewhat displaced, somewhat lost. It’s uneasy for me to say exactly what this lost feeling is about right now. I am certain that with time, thought and work, I’ll figure it out. I will feel re-positioned and ready to steer on. Although, I may need to change direction and that may lead to me getting lost, again. Still, I am hopeful that this journey forth will find me and bring me back home, home to serve and to serve well.

 

I have had the pleasure of being a summer associate at the International Finance Corporation Head Quarters (IFC-HQ) over the past month. I worked as part of a young, dynamic team part of the private sector window of the Global Agriculture & Food Security Program (GAFSP).

 

During my stay, I attended the IFC summer internship program welcoming and orientation workshop. And it is here that I began to receive a greater understanding of the IFC and it’s role as part of the World Bank Group. The IFC’s values are fittingly found in and lived through the word excited, whereby, EXCITED is an acronym for:

 

EX – Excellence C – Commitment I – Integrity TE – TEamwork and D – Diversity

 

Although the time I spent learning with and from the GAFSP team was short, I loved it. A great big thank you to Laura, Alex, Juan and Yoshi for their invaluable time and teachings. I feel enriched having known you. And yes, also very excited about this journey forward.

 

On 10 July 2012, the SAWIP Class of 2012 had the opportunity of meeting with Congressman John Robert Lewis to engage in his first-hand account on the US Civil Rights Movement. Following his arrival into his office, our natural inclination was to rise and greet him. However, he insisted that we remain seated. Still, we rose to welcome him and to show pay him tribute. He walked around the room and greeted us all, individually, with a handshake. What was most significant about his personal greeting with each of us was that he made eye contact while welcoming us in person with a handshake.

 

During our interaction with Congressman Lewis, and in hearing him share his life experiences, I caught myself silently shedding tears. In knowing myself, I am not easily moved to tears, and so this feeling annoyingly surprised me. However, I allowed myself to embrace the moment and emotions. I continued to listen, humbled and in tears.

 

It is uneasy for me to identify exactly why I was moved to tears during this particular gathering. I accept that. I recognize that too often we (as human beings) wear masks pretending to and not to feel. Within society, showing tears is sometimes seen as a social flaw. Now, whether this is a sign of weakness, or not, I am not concerned because of the likely complexities involved in our personal stories. Congressman Lewis shared an account when he was moved to tears and I found it refreshing on how that symbolized the notion of conquering through the words “we shall overcome.”

 

Five years ago I set upon a mission to attain a bachelor’s degree in Molecular Biology and Biotechnology at the University of Stellenbosch, and I finally did it. After viewing my semester marks and passing everything, I realised that I completed all my modules and credits needed to obtain my degree and all I need to do is pitch up at graduation at the end of this year. After realising this, an overwhelming wave of emotion swept over me and I just wept.

 

It has been no easy task. I started my first year coming from a disadvantaged school, entering one of the most prestigious Universities in the country. I was in way over my head, with standards so high that I failed most of my modules in my first year. Here I felt the pressing need to give up and join the rest of my family in a dead end jobs working for minimum wage. However, I did not give up, due to divine intervention I was able to still make it into second year, but lost my residency on campus. I set out to stay elsewhere, anywhere but home, because I knew I would not be able to make it through university in the negative circumstance at home.

 

I redeemed myself in my second year by passing everything, but failed again in my third year. Failure seemed to wait for me around every corner and I couldn’t understand why. I eventually was tempted to quit again, but I met a mentor who changed my life. The Dean of our faculty of Science taught me something so profound it changed my outlook on life. He said to me that he has failed in so many things in life, that he learnt to make failure his friend, and I should do so too. I was confused by this, but the Dean explained to me the soundness of his advice. He graciously sat down with me and explained that success in anything, teachers you nothing, it just affirms your ability to do something. But when you fail, you always find a lesson behind it and become a better person. I took every single word to heart and made failure my best friend. After doing so, I never saw myself failing anything again. I took every negative and turned into a positive.

 

Even though I graduate two years after all my peers and friends, I don’t see myself as being two years behind. I've always believed everything happens for a reason and being a part of SAWIP made the reason for my academic journey crystal clear to me. I thought attaining my degree would be the end of my journey, because that’s all I ever wanted to do, I just wanted to break the stigma and prove that it’s possible, and I did.

 

Now I realise it’s only just the beginning. Getting my degree is the gateway to all the awesome things that is about to follow. I realise that I’m going back to South-Africa more aware of the world and more equipped to make a difference. But I also feel obliged to go back and study outside of my field to understand the world better, disciplines like the economy, law, philosophy, etc. I know now that I should further educate myself to a level which I can have a global perspective and impact. This is the next check point for me on this journey.

 

I have found myself being lost. Several times, I have been lost, and have come to find myself. As ambiguous as this is, it has been and is my story. On one hand, I have been lost due to losing direction on my way to a particular destination. While on the other hand, I have also been lost because I simply did not comprehend some or other concept, event, or situation. What holds true about being lost, is that through every encounter, I have found myself. Serendipitously, in one way or another, I have come to discover lessons that have steered me in a specific direction.

 

I recall being in unplanned, unfamiliar territory, and therefore lost, with company and on my own. During the times that I have been lost with a friend or two, I have always found comfort in knowing that I am not alone. Having someone with me to share in my fears and sense of adventure made the journey of finding the destination less daunting.

 

My recent trip to the US Consulate for my VISA application proved no different to me being lost. I had prepared as best as I could. However, I got lost along the way. I made several wrong turns. I drove around in circles. And pulled up on more than one occasion to call a friend or ask a fuel attendant to help me find direction, to safely reach my destination. During this time of frantic panic because I was lost, late and thirsty, I had to stop myself to remind myself that I would get to where I needed to go. I had to stay calm. Yes, I was running late. And I knew that there was nothing I could do then to change that. However, what was most important was my safe arrival. At this stage, time became irrelevant. I came to that realisation when I knew that panic would get me nowhere. I had to claim back my composure. The urgency of my situation, the thoughts I had racing in my mind and the vehicles around me, all had me so fixated on being lost, that I had to force myself into a mind shift. I knew that inasmuch as I could and did receive help from friends and friendly strangers, I had to navigate myself to where I needed to go. I had to be self-reliant. No one was going to rescue me. I had, in a sense, and in the words of American essayist, poet and philosopher Henry David Thoreau:

 

“[I] went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I had come to die, discover that I had not lived.”

 

I recall declaring to my friend Lungelwa that I actually enjoy being lost. I enjoy the journey and lessons that come with self-discovery. I have been told, and I am learning, that one of the best things about being in your twenties is finding oneself. I believe that spending time alone is key to knowing your true self. Solitude allows us to initially stop, then re-search and re-direct.

 

As we continue with our daily discoveries, may we remember to ever so often STOP. May we be courageous to reassess our directions and ponder on the following:

 

to STOP is to Sit Think Observe Plan

 

There are certain choices that I have made in my life that when I think back to have sincerely been life changing. In retrospect, the process of making these decisions stirred all sorts of emotions within me. They caused me to feel great excitement for the incredible possibilities that lay ahead, a sense of being overwhelmed and a tad bit of anxiety of the unknown. For all such choices in my life, I have spent some time quietly contemplating the impact that my decisions would have not only on myself, but also on my family, closest friends and communities. One such decision that I made in High School was to continue with my studies to broaden my knowledge, skills and perspective by attending University.

 

I am a first generation student. This means that I am the first in my nuclear family to attend University. Leaving home to attend University in a small town approximately 18 hours drive away from my family was a difficult, but necessary decision. Although there were adjustments and sacrifices that had to be made, we made the necessary changes to adapt. I am privileged to have a wonderfully supportive family. Throughout my University career, I have been faced with some easy, and at times, less-easy choices. I believe that I have undertaken many decisions with a great sense of caution and careful consideration. I view reflection as an integral element that guides me in major life choices. At the start of 2012, I had to re-assess my life and make decisions accordingly.

 

The decision to apply for SAWIP is another example of a life changing choice in my life. I was drawn by the level of introspection that was required in completing the application forms. The process allowed me critically think about who I am and where I am growing and going towards. I had to ask myself probing questions to properly assess my state of being. During the SAWIP selection camp, I felt incredibly inspired by the soaring calibre of young leaders in our country. I was particularly encouraged by the personal stories that were shared. As a people, we constantly need to adapt to the challenges that we face in our lives. At times, changes in our lives require some sacrifice and great flexibility. Story telling is a valuable tool that can be used in getting to know people. Through stories, I have learnt of the humble spirit of selflessness that people have. With that, a common trend that I have observed in people is that of an attitude of remaining firmly grounded in their morals and beliefs system. I admire such characteristics.

 

As part of our SAWIP leadership development curriculum, we have had discussions on matters that have required elements of radical transformation. We spoke of and spoke to active citizens. Individuals like Vicky Ntozini and Vivian Zilo showed personal initiative and courageous commitment to make the necessary changes in their lives to make significant contributions to their communities. The spirit of selflessness and servant leadership that these women have shown to their families and communities inspires me. During our talk with Adv. Keith Matthee, it became apparent just how necessary we need to hold each other accountable on delivering on the promises laid out in Our Constitution.

 

To the SAWIP Class of 2012, I hope that this journey will continue to inspire us all as we grow through change in respect, in service, in loving kindness and ethical leadership.

 

As any journey, this one began with a ten-page application, an interview and a camp. Fifteen bright young minds have been chosen from a very large group of exceptionally bright young minds and have embarked on the titular task of leadership, development and leadership development. This seemingly innocuous activity undoubtedly holds many a heart throbbing tidal wave ahead. Orientation activities have been had, wild animals fought off, coffee drank, community service defined, anthems sang, stories heard and stories told, norms and values established and a 2011 Team Promise framed.