It is often said that the majority of what we learn, is learnt outside of the classroom.

 

I experienced this last weekend in the most refreshing of ways.

 

Allow me to set the scene:

 

It was Saturday night and I was running late for one of my really good friend's 21st birthday party. I parked my car and started walking briskly towards the party venue when I was stopped by a man looking quite startled and shell-shocked. He proceeded to tell me the story of how he reached this state.

 

The moment he started speaking it was evident that he was not from this country, he was American by birth and was on holiday backpacking through South Africa. Himself and the three students he was in charge of had spent the day climbing Table Mountain and upon returning to Rondebosch, had been robbed of their passports; money and backpacks. George(the name of the man) went on to describe how he really needed to get to the American consulate and asked if I could possibly give him a quick ride to Baxter where he could get onto a MyCiti bus.

 

I decided that this man genuinely needed my help and that the party could wait so I turned around, jumped in my car and drove George to Baxter.

 

Upon arriving at Baxter, George further explained to me that all they need to do was get to the American Consulate and if they can do that, they will be able to sort out new passports and money etc. George informed me that it costs R98 return per person to where they needed to be. This equals roughly R400.

 

George had no money whatsoever since he got robbed and he pleaded with me to please lend him R400. He went on to take my phone number and give him his and ensured me that as soon as they arrive back from the consulate that he will get in touch with me and repay me.

 

It is worthwhile to bare in mind that this is the first time I had ever met this man, I had no clue who he was nor any indication as to the soundness of his story.

 

It was at this moment when I was faced with a choice that could affect both my life and George's life for many years to come.

 

My options were:

 

1) Lend George R400 and have faith that humans are inherently good and honest people.

 

2) Deny George any amount of hope, in a foreign country, purely based on my pessimistic view of the human nature.

 

There were countless reasons why I shouldn't have helped George out and why I shouldn't have gone down that road, but then I took a step back and tried to put myself in his shoes.

 

I considered how I would want to be treated if I was overseas in a foreign country and had just lost all my possessions as well as any sense of hope.

 

I did not trust him, as I do not trust easily, but for that brief moment I saw a glimpse of what the world could be like. If I could not show love to this one man in a moment of need then I could not hope to understand the love that the likes of Nelson Mandela showed towards people who hated them and ridiculed them publicly.

 

I chose the former option. 24 hours later, George called me up and we met for a coffee in Rondebosch. We got chatting about SAWIP and the fact that I am going to Washington DC in June and he gave me $100 to say thank you for everything I did and for all the trouble I went through.

 

I believe that people are inherently good and that we need to give people the benefit of the doubt until they prove us wrong. I also believe in the power that acts of random kindness have on the world and that a lot of global issues can be mitigated through sharing a bit of love.

 

 

I have included a link to a fantastic(albeit very idealistic) concept of looking out for your neighbor and spreading the love:

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y_JAlTxc1k4

 

There are many incredible experiences that we are fortunate enough to have through SAWIP. We are surrounded by a network of people who care deeply about South Africa and have recognized in us a kind of potential which we might not even have seen yet, but that forms part of a much  ‘bigger picture’ for our country (said at the risk of sounding very  bold indeed) . These individuals invest in us their money, their time, their energy, and their true concern. This is what allows SAWIP to ‘happen’. Yet aside from all of the workshops, debates, learning, meetings, exercises and least of all the experience of working and living in Washington, DC for six weeks, one of the most valuable experiences that I have had is removed from these itinerary items.  SAWIP, in the space of mere weeks, has facilitated a process of rapid self-reflection for me, which I imagine without the program, would only have happened slowly (and more gently) over many years.

 

One such reflection occurred today (now probably yesterday) on Mother’s Day. Through the program, I have come to work with a children’s home in Athlone in Cape Town as part of my community project.  As a result, every Sunday I don a definite ‘dress code four’, tie up my hair, roll up my sleeves and go to wake up the 16 four- to six-year-olds, whose naps end just as I arrive. For them, it is time to open their eyes, step outside and play. For me, it is time to open my eyes, step outside and learn.

In the interest of creating routine and consistency for children who can probably not rely on much else, the structure of my time spent there is always the same. They wake up; this generally requires a fair amount of coaxing and enthusiastic mention of sunshine, fresh air and the nice day.  Then it is time to go outside. This is generally accompanied by equal amounts of sand in mouths, playground politics, giggles and tears, having to play human pony (or dinosaur) and my best attempts at developing hand-eye coordination and a culture of sharing and taking turns. The day ends with supper time and then bath time which comes complete with teeth-brushing patrol, coordinating matching pyjama sets and trying to clean, dry and dress 16 very energetic little people arguing over Spiderman underpants.

In addition to a free cardio workout, training in future parenting skills, learning the value of patience and having a good sense of humour alike, and gaining a renewed respect for parents and people who work with children, I learnt a lot from observing a sense of nurturing and responsibility at the home from some of the most unexpected sources, fitting for the day perhaps.

I observed this as I watched the work of the caretakers. These are women whose job it is to see that these children are fed, clothed and cleaned. These are women whose connection to these children is first and foremost professional in their capacity of holding responsibility for 50 children all demanding individual love, care and patience. These are women who have to deal with challenges  ranging from runny noses and wet beds, to a lack of resources and essentially raising children scarred by  the extremely adverse backgrounds  from whence they come. Yet these are also the women who find the love and patience to gently hold these little hands as they walk (very slowly) down the stairs, to comfort them when they cry, teach them manners and instil morals and values in them despite everything else,  and  do all of this with smile lines creased into their faces.

I observed this as I watched a young mother sit, tears running down the creases in her face as she fed her child in a state home, when she was not able to look after her, in her own home. I looked at the image of a person who some of us so easily dehumanise and blame for whatever action, poor decision, or circumstance that has brought her child there. Yet yesterday what I saw was just another young girl, who life had worn down and nearly broken and who I had probably not expected to be there, yet she was.

Finally, I observed this in a moment when I was sitting on a chair outside, one child on each leg, heads on my chest and another behind me, playing with my disappointing and frustratingly short hair, and I caught a reflection in the window. Just for a second, I could have as easily been a young mother in similar circumstances as described above. I am not her, but for a moment I was there just to share in the responsibility of children. I was also there to look past my reflection and see a young man I recognised from one of my courses swooning over a crying toddler next door, something I found quite touching.

These are seemingly small and trivial happenings, but they did lead me to consider that for all that is happening in South Africa, for all that I dream of changing – poor and corrupt leadership, the lack of accountability, poor service delivery, to be part of a network of humanity just looking after our children is what is important to me. I am acutely aware of the controversy and questions raised surrounding work of this nature: “Who does it really benefit?”, “Is it sustainable?" Again, I have not found the answers yet. But these seemingly small and self-focused reflections have led me to at least one  important reminder. I discovered a poem in an old poetry textbook, which in its last stanza captures this reminder to myself particularly well.

 

Today

A woman with a gash

So deep and wide in

Her black soul

Came and spilled her

Self over me.

 

Asking to be held

Like no-one held her

Asking to be fed

Like no-one fed her

 

She crawled beneath

My skirt trembling and

Afraid and clasped

My lifeboat legs

 

But I had meetings

To go to

And a world to save.

 

- Gabriela Pearse

 

Whilst having a conversation with a group of friends concerning our futures and where we see ourselves in the next few years and what lifestyles and career paths we wish to pursue, someone made the statement “I can’t wait until we’re all grown up, living the dream in our ocean-facing mansions, driving our kids to school in the latest Porsche, eating gourmet meals cooked by professional chefs in our own kitchens” and everyone in the group seemed quite enthusiastic and seemed to be looking forward to this type of lifestyle, which only makes sense.

So I decided to pose the question “But is that all we’re going to do with ourselves? Be rich and live lavishly”. And friend responded “Well of course, isn't that the reason why we’re here, isn't that the reason why we’re working so hard to have a degree from the top University in Africa”. This answer saddened my heart.

 

Perhaps, rightfully so, it is okay to wish to live in a mansion and drive an expensive car because you have earned it. After all, that’s the reason why we make money, so we can spend it and that’s the reason why we work hard, so we can afford to live lavishly. But this mentality troubles me. It’s not so much the concept of living life lavishly that disturbs me, it’s the thought that we as young people have lost our sense of social responsibility. I genuinely believe that it’s okay to spend your money on whatever pleases you, but above and beyond that, I believe that social responsibility is something for all of us to share.

 

So often we take the opportunities that we have been given for granted, the fact that we have a chance of receiving a world class education, the fact that we never go a day without a meal, the fact that we don’t have to worry about what we will eat or what we will wear because everything has already been provided for. We often get so closed up in our own little bubble of convenience that we forget about the reality that so many other people face on a daily basis. The reality of not having food on the table at super time, the reality of having to wear the same clothes that three of your older siblings wore because there isn’t any money to buy clothes of your own and the reality of a life filled with stress and worry about ‘what shall we eat tomorrow?’. We spend so much time paging through Cosmopolitan magazine, indulging through the pages of Vogue and trying to keep up with the last trends whether it be fashion, cars or the latest ‘hand-out spots’. We believe that the purpose of our education is to ensure we live comfortably. And rightfully so. But I believe we as young South Africans, need a bit of a reality check.

 

Social responsibility is for everyone. It is not something we should fear. It’s not reserved for Missionaries or the Government, it is something that we should all partake in, at least that’s what I believe anyways. Social responsibility is not restricted to working in soup-kitchens or giving away money to feed hungry children in Africa. It could also be working in the justice system to enforce the law and protect people, it could be educating children, it could be making effective and sustainable policies in government, it could be lending a hand at an orphanage. Bottom line, anything that helps more than just you, but also the community around you and anything that seeks to make the lives of other just a little bit better, that is fulfilling social responsibility.

What we as the youth need to do is become more conscious, we need to notice the world around us and get the understanding that it does not revolve around us. I really believe in my heart, that we can all make a contribution to making the world better for each other, we need to find an area we’re passionate about and dive into it.

We have a long way to go.

But we must remember that “A Journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step” – Chinese Proverb

 

Let’s get to it.

 

 

My status as a privileged South African citizen is something that I recognise, acknowledge, and am always conscious of. The primary reason for this status is my education, particularly my tertiary education. As a consequence of the education I have received and am receiving, I am in the privileged position of being able to pursue the kind of life I consider valuable and worthwhile.

With this privilege and opportunity comes the responsibility to pay it forward (or give back). For me, this means intentionally using my influence and talents in the service of others: to put community before individualism, public good before private good, and commitment to service before cynicism and despair. This is a responsibility that I accept.

In response to this responsibility that I have accepted, I often ask myself the following questions: “What can I do to effect large-scale social change in South Africa?” “What will my great contribution be?” “How can I change the world?”. While commendable questions, they are also (to some extent) defeatist questions that promote cynicism and despair. They can lead to responses such as: “How can I, one individual in a world of billions hope to change anything?”

We should avoid the urge to quantify the change we effect. We also should not postpone making a difference to some distant future date when we think we will be in a (better) position to effect large-scale change or make a great contribution. The truth is that we are all effecting change all of the time. Our actions are all purposeful, and all produce effects. Every single action a person takes has far-reaching consequences. No matter one’s age, physical condition, financial situation, pigmentation, gender, emotional state, or belief; every choice one makes and every action one takes matters.

History consists of the combined effects of the many small things that “ordinary” individuals do every day. History, as Leo Tolstoy put it, comprises: “An infinitely large number of infinitesimally small actions”. We effect change from the moment we get up in the morning till we go to bed at night. We effect change both through the things we do, and through the things we do not do. Even the simplest action or inaction (in thought, word, or deed) we take for our lives matters beyond measure because it effects change, it makes a difference.

The real problem is that if we are only effecting change unconsciously or unintentionally, then we are probably not producing the effect we would wish for.

 

“I am only one; but still I am one. I cannot do everything; but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something that I can do.” – Edward Everett Hale

“I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples.” – Mother Teresa

“How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.” – Anne Frank

“If you cannot do great things, do small things in a great way.” – Napoleon Hill

"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around." – Leo Buscaglia

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I’m part of a pretty awkward generation. With long hair, skinny jeans and ear piercings, you’ll be forgiven for mistaking the sex of a member of Generation Y. There’s no real “cool” anymore. The hipster (it kind of means cool, but it's different) trend has morphed from its established identity as anything that isn’t mainstream to pretty much anything goes. For example, a pair of Nikes won’t be cool if you got them at the Nike Factory Store but the same pair is the epitome of hipster if they were bought at the local thrift shop.

 

The generation seems to adore anything that is either extreme in its contrast or that is entirely comfortable in its plainness. Your hairstyle will be cool if you spent the better part of your Friday afternoon getting your product to produce and perfecting that Dapper Dan look or, perplexingly, if you put no effort into it at all.

 

Gen Y is in limbo between retro and recent. You’re cool if you drive a 1984 Volkswagen Beetle but also if you’re the owner of the latest GTI. By all means get an iPhone as long as you get a cover that makes it look like a cassette. The quintessence of technology is a MacBook, but please hide it in a case that makes it look like a 1970’s encyclopaedia. Live in a modern penthouse apartment but remember to have your walls adorned with images of Marilyn Monroe, Audrey Hepburn and James Dean.

 

It’s because of this identity crisis that the current generation is often written off as a bunch of tweeting twerps that haven’t read any pages outside of Facebook. A recent article in Time magazine went as far as describing the latest generation as narcissistic and lazy.

 

While I sometimes find it challenging not to share these sentiments, I do believe that, for all its oddities, it is this generation that will transform South Africa both economically and socially. You don’t have to look far to find stories of innovation and dedication that cannot but inspire – and this doesn’t even refer to the inspiring stories of SAWIP team members. All over South Africa young leaders are taking ownership of the social inequalities that they’ve inherited and are taking steps to address them.

 

A group of UCT students recently decided that they weren’t reaching enough students through their tutoring business. The solution? A programme that can be accessed online that presents learners with questions related to their respective subjects that are designed not only to test their knowledge, but also to give their schoolteachers insight into the areas of the subject that the learner doesn’t understand. The programme has been developed and financed by students and their business has sold around 50 licenses to schools in the Western Cape.

 

Some Stellenbosch students decided a few years ago to form an organisation known as The Dead Parrots. The organisation simply seeks to promote critical dialogue amongst students at Stellenbosch University. Their events on campus have compelled students to re-evaluate their position on various issues including race and gender equality. Most recently they hosted a book launch of radio personality Eusebius McKaiser.

 

The New Hope Summit, an initiative pushed by Stellenbosch students a few years ago, is currently running in Muizenberg. The Summit is a meeting of student leaders from Universities, Universities of Technology and FET Colleges in the Western Cape where topics such as transformation and expanding the reach of education are discussed and strategies formulated. This year the summit is focusing on a bill of student rights that will hopefully improve tertiary education in the Western Cape.

 

These initiatives have all been launched to serve a perceived need in society and all have been run in the spirit of making our country better for all who live in it. Most importantly all of these initiatives have sprung out of the minds of some exceptional members of Generation Y.

 

Somewhere between creating monotonous electronic music and deciding it’s OK for guys to wear pants two sizes too small, Generation Y has decided to take on some of the problems facing our country. The youth of South Africa have announced that they have accepted their role in rebuilding South Africa and shown that they are not just going along for the ride but leading the way. I have hope for my generation.

 

Being part of the SAWIP team has made me realize that each and every individual is a book of many stories with many chapters; every chapter has its characters, twists turns and influences. As a leader it is important to look, listen and learn from the other Leaders story so that one day you can be able to re-tell your own story. This is one of my South African Stories:

Khayelitsha is where I was raised. This township is situated at the Western Cape, Cape Town. It was established in 1983 by a combination of black people from other townships around Cape Town such as Old Crossroads. Khayelitsha is one of the biggest townships in South Africa after Soweto, currently it has a population of almost 1.2 million. A large portion of this population lives in informal settlements and is unemployed.

I regard Khayelitsha as a true African reflection. We value our culture and historical background. The youth engages in sports and mostly performing art. If you go to places like waterfront you would mostly find art performers who emanates from Khayelitsha. Elders are involved in activities such as arts and crafts, beads work, starting their own restaurants that serve different African dishes. There are many social programs that try to make a better living for the community. The education system is in a process of improving too as almost every school has a computer lab for the learners.

The only major problems we face are violence and substance abuse. It is very sad to see young and bright kids dying because of gangsterism. We have many taverns than the schools; almost every section has its own drug merchant. It is very disheartening to see young brothers and sisters in street corners where crime is the subject, drug an object. At some point I think this is influenced by the fact of not having a role model in life. Most people who grew up in Khayelitsha when they succeed in life they leave and stay in suburbs, “we are running away from crime and violence” they say. In this regard my conscious African teacher once outlined that “those people are the crime they are running away from because they do come back with their flashy cars and loaded wallets. You would find them in the hot spots such as Tshisa nyama, promoting cheap prostitution with our young sisters……”

I hope that SAWIP will instill the element of reflecting to my community. We Khayelitsha community members have the potential of doing good, we just need to find right people among ourselves who will help turn the potential to actual.   I still believe that we can refrain from crime and drug abuse, just that it takes courage and commitment. I am ready and keen to assist in any intervention that will help reduce our problems in my community. I want to work hand-in-hand with my people and make Khayelitsha a best welcoming, safe and inspiring home.

God bless Khayelitsha, the factory of many talents!

 

 

 

The experience of many South African men has been powerfully influenced by history. Particularly black fathers were separated from their children by the need to work in distant places on the terms of Migration Act that permitted only one annual visit home. The work was physically hard and the environment was brutal it produced men who were immune to pain, hardship and violence. What happened to our villages when these men of steel came back home is another story on it`s own.

Caring for the most part was considered to be a task exclusively for women. The children had to find means and ways to live and survive without fathers. Our rural homesteads were fatherless, mothers had to play fathers. Not all fathers are proud to be fathers, and unfortunately not all fathers want to participate in their children`s lives in fact most South African men do not seem interested in the lives of their children, now we have cases where boys die trying to be better man. The men who manage to get fatherhood right through a series of trail-and-error are too old to use their wisdom and too stingy to share it with young men who are still trying to figure it all out.

Men do not talk about these things, their struggle to manhood is kept secrete, we act as if we are made of steel, the moment a boy start squinting his eyes to cry  they are told to “ man up, men don’t cry we should suck it up!” unfortunately in the process of sucking it up we suck it up so hard we begin to asphyxiate and die in our silence. Society expects us to be Superman * but even Superman had kryptonite* Is it that important to preserve this existing social structure that males, as a gender and a clan, be pushed to psychological suffocation  that leads a robotic life – running on social instructions?

As young men we need other men as role models,  we need someone to take us through the mazes of being a man, our mothers can not do that, we appreciate the  warmth of their embrace and the nourishment of their breast milk but that’s not enough to make boys to men. You must understand that a father is a guide to a boy, he announces what a boy will become, and he explains to him how to pave your course through the chaos of masculinity.

If we are going to have a healthy family structure, no one should be left outside, boys need as much coaching and empowerment as girls, should we fail at this we risk continuing this vicious circle of absent fathers sometimes physically present. We risk our brothers turning to drugs for solutions; we risk a generation of boys that seeks to be confirmed as men through beating women.

Today, the media is replete with news of crimes committed by men and with anti-male sentiments provoking male hatred and the society, including men, is silent about it. Because, we have so high expectations from men and because we take them for granted, society holds only those men responsible for the crimes reported, against whom it is reported. We are forgetting the famous quote by Henry Thomas, “Society prepares the crime, the criminal commits it”.

Squarely blaming men for crimes is not going to reduce it, it will rather increase it. It is pertinent to realize that even if a man commits a crime, he does not do it by choice; he is rather forced and cornered to such an extent that he is left with no other options. Notwithstanding crime and nor an attempt to justify crime, but it must be pertinent and enlightening realization that crime can only be reduced by eliminating  factors that leave men with no options but crime and not the criminal.

Lack of choices in men’s life and lack of “Male Empowerment” are two key indirect contributors to crime as it wipes off the trust of the society from the man and he takes to the ultimatum. Crime by men is not a disease, it’s just a symptom; symptom of a far more serious disease – Misandry and Male Disposability. Choice belies with the society, whether to work on symptoms or to attack the disease, the root cause. In my opinion “Male Empowerment” is the call of the day, what do you think?

 

 

In my brief 22 years on earth I’ve had my fair share of discussions of The Big Issues and the not so big issues. At the end of a few too many conversations I’ve noticed things end with some jocular variation of, “Oh well. I guess it’s something to think about.” or “It’s a difficult one” or “There are so many issues to deal with.” As a debater and former philosophy major nothing gives me more sleepless nights. “We’ll see how it goes”, is, for me, the most painful end to a conversation. It’s what parents in toy stores say: not in the mood to deal with their toddlers’ emotional breakdown they postpone the discussion for home. In my estimation it’s important that young people in particular steer clear of this.

Ending conversations like this is bad for business because it stifles thoughts, aborts ideas. In an essay entitled ‘The End of History?’ Francis Fukuyama suggests that we’ve reached an evolutionary endpoint in human history. He discusses several issues which I find interesting. His essay is reflective of what I think many believe to be true: mankind’s major intellectual work is done and all that’s left is to tinker around the edges of knowledge. I’m not convinced. There’s more thinking that needs to be done. Thinking (whether it be technological invention or imagining new socio-political systems) is perhaps harder now than before given the accumulated historical constraints and the weight of all we’ve inherited. Every time I’m part of a conversation that ends with a dismissive, “I don’t know hey!” I think, “Neither did any great thinker!” The point is you have to put yourself out there. Pick a side and argue the heck out of it, explore issues fully, follow thoughts to their conclusion. You owe it to yourself and the world (Pardon the fluff).

One of two things happens.  Firstly, people might disagree with you. If they do well then you just have to have an intellectual version of the toddlers’ meltdown – you have a back and forth debate. Secondly, you might discover you were mistaken or you’ve changed your mind. In this case, well, you change your mind. Perhaps what scares people into ending conversations prematurely is a lack of surety. I mean, after all, how do we solve poverty/find a solution for the country’s racial problems/fix the education system? They are big complicated issues. The truth is nobody has a complete set of answers. Nevertheless, we might be able to come to new ideas and better solutions if we say something, anything rather than to end the conversation with a parents-in-the-toy-store copout.

 

 “It is better to be wrong than vague.” – Freeman Dyson

 

Music

‘Razzle Dazzle Them’ – Chicago OST [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EB0CkB7mRiY] (No to deception. Yes to an inspirational amount of intellectual razzle dazzle - making something up and making it sound good. I think this song really relates to the topic because great ideas are often born out in a creative, visionary/slightly make believe, off-the-cuff place that you only get to if you allow a conversation to go there.)

 

A blog is a written representation of a thought process, an idea or an opinion. It allows for a space where sharing and thinking can take place. If you are going to read my blogs you need to understand that my mind is constantly in conflict with itself as I try to make some sort of sense out of the world in which we live (an impossible task really).

 

Side note: This is incredibly challenging when you are in a team with 14 very intelligent and opinionated people who each carry a great amount of passion and knowledge on a variety of issues.

 

The reason that I mention this is so you understand that my blogs may not represent a 100% confident opinion as much as they represent ideas or questions SAWIP has managed to place in my confused young mind.

 

Moving on from this is the idea of a political imagination and more specifically the idea that our new ‘political elite’ may not embody such an imagination. On Freedom day, the SAWIP team was lucky enough to attend a lecture on South Africa's political history. Although many of us had heard the stories before, it is impossible not to take something of great value out each time.

 

During our lecture something that became increasingly evident to me was the innovation of those in the resistance and the constant focus on what our society should be moving towards. Although exercised in plurality, there was an originality of thought that existed as those involved in the struggle focused on the future and the potential within ‘our tomorrow’. They held onto their goals closely, always consulting with their imagination and approaching issues with a great amount of creativity.

 

It was not just the commitment exercised when striving forwards that stood out but rather HOW they chose to strive and the ways in which they always tried to build and create even though they were trying to tear down an unjust regime.

 

Recently I read that the political elite in a post conflict society lose their ‘political imagination’, meaning they tend to focus on the prevention of such a conflict arising again. It was assumed that an ‘elite’ who held a strong focus for the past would lose individual initiative and innovation thus not making any significant progress.

 

It is not crazy to suggest that this has happened in South Africa, that apartheid has  dominated the minds of our political elite and our “youth” (yes, sorry Cara). We are trying desperately hard to avoid a repetition of apartheid or anything bearing a slight resemblance that we have allowed it to control our minds, so much so that we battle to think beyond it. Perhaps we do remember too much and bring it up too often and that by doing so we are preventing any sort of true and meaningful nation building from occurring. Perhaps we have invested too heavily in a process of prevention rather than creation.

 

I believe this flows into the idea of race and specifically talking about issues of race in our country. I've had this conversation many times with the SAWIP team, debating whether dialogue on such issues is a tool that creates greater division or rather promotes a sense of greater mutual understanding.

 

For me personally, this is something really interesting to consider. I am someone that places a great amount of importance in talking about our past. I advocate for discourse on many issues that are directly related to our past because I feel it is impossible to ignore and doing so will only increase both the inequality and tension in our society.

 

Recently someone informed me of the inaccuracy of the term ‘a post apartheid state’ and that I should rather employ the term ‘a post 1994 state’. To say that we live in something ‘post-apartheid’ is to assume that the legacy of such a state no longer affects us, both socially and economically and therefore there is complete equality. Perhaps we shouldn’t even call it ‘our past’ because it is presently affecting a great deal of our country.

 

However, maybe focusing on the past really is limiting the imagination we need if we want to be involved in the social problem solving that our country is so desperate for. Maybe allowing ourselves to concentrate so heavily on a ‘pre 1994’ South Africa has stripped us of the creativity and innovation that could bring huge amounts of change.

 

One could argue that finding the balance is important. Forcing ourselves to think simultaneously about our past and our future is the answer. You know how it goes “learn from your past” or something like that.

 

One could also argue against that.

 

All I know is that in 2013, as South Africans we need to be fully utilizing our imaginations. We need to be equipped with vast amounts of creativity and innovation as we prepare to answer the “HOW” question.

 

How can we make South Africa better?

 

 

As part of our SAWIP curriculum we are required to do 30 hours of community service before we leave for Washington DC. I chose to do mine through a non-profit organization called "Each one Teach one".

Each week we go to Lavender Hills and teach young and energetic children maths and English at a very fundamental level. We collaborate with another organization called "Mother Aid" who provide after care services to all the surrounding schools in Lavender Hills.

This has been a positively enriching experience for me and it reminds me on a daily basis how blessed I truly am. One student who has caused me to profoundly change the way in which I see the education system in South Africa, is a 15 year old girl by the name of Ashleigh Ndlovu*.

Ashleigh is a Grade 9 girl who I have been working with for the past few weeks, trying to improve her maths skills and equip her to tackle any problems that she may come across.

As I VERBALLY went through factorisation, simplification, converting fractions into percentages and a number of other fairly well known concepts in her syllabus; it dawned on me that she was a bit of a maths whizz kid. I assumed that the only reason she came for tutoring was to solidify her fundamentals and perhaps get that elusive “A”.

Upon further investigation however, I came to learn that she is currently failing maths at school and has been scraping through for a number of years. This perplexed me and saddened me deeply. It was only when we started working through exercises from the text book that the underlying problem presented itself.

Ashleigh’s knowledge and understanding of individual topics was far above the average, but when it came to figuring out what was actually being asked in a test situation, she didn’t have a clue where to start. Ashleigh’s home language was Xhosa, her 2^nd language being Afrikaans and finally her 3^rd language being English. Ashleigh attends an English school where she is taught and examined in English only.

In effect, she is being severely penalised by a factor that is out of her control and not her fault in any way. She has tremendous potential and knows all the concepts she needs to know, but based on the current examination process, she will (potentially) simply end up in the “Failure” pile and as another statistic.

Ashleigh’s story saddened me deeply and it made me wonder if she is preparing herself for a battle that she simply has no chance of winning. It made me wonder how many more Ashleighs there are in our country and what we can do to perhaps address this very sad situation. The time to act is now and I am determined to find a solution to this educational barrier to entry.

I encourage comments and potential thoughts on this pressing issue.

In the meantime, I will continue to do all I can to make sure Ashleigh has a future and can overcome the difficulties she has been faced with. Our future does depend on it after all.

*Name has been changed for privacy purposes.

 

It often seems that just as we come up with one term that allows us to talk about or describe a group of people with ease, they go and challenge that label. The youth in particular is all about rejecting labels. It seems that the latest to be rejected after hipsters and ‘change-makers’, is ‘The Youth’. This term, a favourite amongst the ‘youth of today’, politicians, our parents and avid tweeters  is one we hear spoken about all of the time.  The youth are the future of South Africa; The youth are apathetic; The youth “are not offended enough”; The youth “should avail itself”; The youth should be talking about …; The youth must …; The youth should….

This post is by no means a ‘watch your jargon’ lesson. Words and terms come and go; most often we  merely replace terms that we no longer like with ones that look and sound different, but essentially mean the same thing and will be used the same in the same, sometimes mindless and unintentional fashion.  The fact that in this blog entry I am likely to now just swap ‘the youth’ for ‘young people’ proves this. The point of this piece is just to share something interesting that I have observed, so bear with me, especially if things get sticky and controversial.

As I mentioned the term, ‘the youth’ is as ancient as, well, as 'young people' are not. However, more and more, when it is used I find myself catching a few shared glances, eye-brow raises, and the same question being asked  “Who is the youth?” amongst the young listeners.   Why is this?  Or rather and more importantly, why is this interesting?

Let me use the ‘Born Free’ generation (something quite close to home as my team might note) as an example. When I think of this term, it makes me think of a generation of young people who are free, first and foremost. I associate a sort of privilege with this label, and sense a special kind of pending responsibility that comes with it.  We know that the 1993-babies did not choose this term for themselves, just as no youth has never chosen to be called 'not offended enough' , apathetic, idealistic or even bright. In fact, many may challenge the notion of being free and privileged.  Alluding to the same generation which I spoke about in my last post, I am sure the older generation of leadership in South Africa did not necessarily call themselves ‘heroes’ when they were young, as we label some of them today. Perhaps they did not even call themselves leaders.  It is more likely that when they were young, they would have been ‘the youth’ and even in the absence of twitter, people would have said: “the youth are in revolt” or  “the youth are violent, unruly”. What is significant is not how this term excludes many young people who were not in revolt, who were not angry, and who may today be called apathetic or ‘ inadequately offended’ themselves. What is interesting is that this generation took ownership of its labels and in doing so, its story, whether consciously or unconsciously.

I look up to catch these moments of shared thinking, or smiles or winks between my team all the time. What I have spoken about here might not be a sentiment that we all share, but I still see us as a small sample of young South Africans ready to challenge generalisations, or alternatively embodying the complete opposite them. It delights me that we are so selective and critical about accepting a purpose or narrative (here's some more jargon) that anyone else may give us, especially as we dabble in our generational identity crises with the rest of South Africa.

 

Never in my life have I been required to be as organised as I’ve had to be in the last few weeks. Never before have I had to keep a diary and pens nestled away in my pockets for when I check up on friends or make plans to see them.

 

“Thursday night?” A frantic flick to the required date – Alas! – not to be: I'm being psychoanalysed for SAWIP.

 

Don't ask.

 

[“But the last Tuesday in September’s looking pretty free at the moment. How bout I pencil you in...mid-afternoon fine?”]

 

Though it is rough and all of us in the team are working hard at managing everything, the nice thing is that we are all in the same boat. We are not unique in this either and it extends beyond us as well; people, friends and family are busy in their own lives, trying to coordinate their own wants, needs, loves and hates. A quick peak over the side of our boat shows a never-ending fleet of others, each tossed around on this wild sea, some looking terrified, some determined, some trying to steer their ship, others being sick over the side. The world concerns itself with being busy.

 

The night before Worker's Day last week was my first evening of respite in a while and I arrived back to my room and collapsed. I desperately needed to see some scarce friends, but I realised that I didn't know what a single person was doing that night, and the lure of deep sleep and mindless trash on TV was unfortunately too strong. I began wondering as to what exactly this 'busyness' is that I've found myself caught up in.

 

Being busy should, hopefully, imply doing things that you think have a purpose, whatever that may be. My last post mentioned the inspiration I draw from our team in pushing myself to be excellent in what I do. Even if I never strove solely for it, to me, excellence has always implied what we regard as a standard explanation; being the best you can at each thing that you do, whether it's in your academics, relationships, service to community, sport, your own personal development, etc. There is no doubt that in my life some of these are taking a hit at the moment – I’ve clearly bitten off more than I can chew – yet I'm happy with this state of affairs where I’m not achieving quite as much in certain areas as I would have liked. Why is this?

 

It’s because now I see excellence in a broader sense, a greater overarching idea of being the most useful you can be, given everything that you are doing. I hope you’ll forgive me for diving into economic jargon, but it’s a sort of overall maximisation of excellence that we seek – as opposed to in specific areas – that weights the different things we are doing based on the importance (and costs) we attach to each outcome that we want; the best net result that we can attain. Ideally, we learn to trade off what does not fit into this picture (although we struggle to figure out what these aspects are) and remove them from the equation while maintaining a balance in our lives. But this sounds quite lazy.

 

In our group we’ve chatted about it before, but this idea of balance is interesting. It’s often expressed in a good way, a necessary means of keeping all aspects of life in sync and not becoming bogged down and lost in one area. But it may also be the opposite, a tacit excuse to justify not striving for excellence, an excuse not to give attention to things you know you should probably direct more focus towards.

 

I do believe in being aware of this balancing act, perched as we are on a sort of multi-dimensional see-saw. But maybe we do not need to remain in equilibrium at every point in time; we might, in fact, never be stable, always flailing our arms in certain directions and struggling to stay upright. What if we should see this idea of balance as a long term idea, that over time (don't ask me how long) we shift to keep balanced overall even if we pendulum in the present from one extreme to the other? Like slow tectonic shifts in the deeper bases on which we build our lives even as we run around trying to get things done. We all feel this; sometimes it's good to be uncomfortable, drained, outside your comfort zone, off-balance.

 

I am enjoying this busy state at the moment; I find it exhilarating even as I feel myself being exhausted. For two reasons:

 

1. I feel like I am pushing my boundaries, exploring what I’m capable of; when I work late, move non-stop, miss my friends and family, stop doing the things I enjoy, I know that these are testing who I am and what I want. It’s also making me continuously re-assess what and who I regard as important.

    

2. I feel that most of what I'm doing is actually useful to what I want to do in the future.

I am not pretending in any way that I live every minute of my day with purpose and drive and zeal. Far from it; I know that I can be lazy and I know when I need down-time. But driving yourself hard, pushing your limits, reaching out and stretching for your goals gives you a sense of elation. And when those end goals are things you regard as valuable to yourself as well as to others, there can’t be too many greater feelings.

Except when you keep getting stabbed by pens in pockets.

 

 

It is the best thing to live your life with “informed decisions” than living your life by default because we only have one life! Things that you do are you doing them out of your own will or you are programmed to believe that you do them out of your own will?

Nowadays one does not need to be a well educated individual to notice that the world is going through a major shift. Political parties are battling over one another, our so called leaders making suspicious decisions and the environment is crying for help (global warming). Sometimes you would hear elders say “times has changed” is it really times that have changed or the generation?  I don’t believe time is the case here, but the generation might be the case.

I believe life was meant to be both good and bad, if there weren’t bad times in life who would know how good life can be? In every situation we find ourselves in, we just need a proper manner to respond to the situation. Sometimes we cannot change the situation at all, but one thing you can do is to make a wise decision/ response. Time has not changed at all; we just lack the element of making wise choices and decisions.

In most cases it is up to an individual to choose to be a victim under the mercy of circumstances or to be a victor of the circumstances. Once you become a victim, you seat and point fingers at other people, complain. However when you choose to be a victor, you always see possibilities through any circumstances you find yourself in. You are always positive and you have a strong belief that you will make it through.

Through our low self-esteem and ignorance we too claim that things are not the same as olden days. We need to consciously create our own reality by making good choices and believing things will work out fine. Robin Banks once said “we should take our minds as gardens with fertile soil. Whatever you plant in it grows.” Imagine if you always focus on how poor you are, chances are you are not going to realize that you can be rich too. What our minds focus on is what they will create. We urgently need to focus on the bright side.

In this regard I wish we could all stand back, look, listen and advice our family and friends about decision making. From the session we had at Robertson with my SAWIP team, I could see that, school learners have allowed themselves to be controlled by their home situations. We need to act as true leaders and instill the ideology of HOPE to the Robertson learners, and alert them about the importance of decisions they make in their lives, that they need not to be the victims of their situations. If at least we can make one learner realize how important it is to step upon your problems, I can be very motivated. In times of change we need leaders who believes that “the difference we make matters” as Cecil Mandilakhe Lwana puts it. We need to stay awake in times of change.

 

When you start to care, you can’t stop. But the more you care, the more it burdens you. And you start asking yourself: is it even worth it? These questions buoyantly come to surface when you see yourself as some one who was placed on this world to change it.The past few weeks have been filled with great discussions and critical thinking about current situations that face the global village, in most of these discussions one is usually left feeling hopeless about ever changing these crises.

Many people want to change the world and this is a noble cause, but rather unrealistic don’t get me wrong I am not oblivious of all the wrongs that the world is facing nor the change one person can make. But my problem with the approach is that it gives one an unhealthy identity about themselves and what they are capable of doing.

The idea of wanting to carry the sins of the world and fix every wrong is wrong. We should not aspire to change the world but to make a difference, because making a difference is a process that leads to the changing of the world. When a person thinks that he can change the world this creates unrealistic supremacy identity, what I personally call the Messaih complex. The world is a complex structure it requires cooperation from diverse individuals working together for a common vision of making this world a better place for all.

Better than doing things with the propensity to change the world, we should start doing things with the intentions to make a difference, by doing that we subconsciously influence others to start doing things that make a difference too and the best way to convince other people is to lead by example.

We are not here to change the world, but to make a difference, and watch our difference changing the world. Every effort counts, no matter how small and insignificant it may seem. Just do something, and do something good.

 

This blog will form part of a series of blogs I will be writing on the idea of a born free generation.

Over the course of the last few weeks I have had the opportunity to experience several different perspectives our country and how far we have come since 1994. Transformation, reconciliation and the promotion of social justice (call it whatever you wish) are concepts and in fact ideals which lie quite close to my heart. I come from a middle class Afrikaans upbringing which was in all honesty quite privileged. I say this not neccesarily because I have some guilt to get rid of, but rather because it has influenced and to a large extent determined my perspective on our beloved country. Literally it came from quite high up on Paarl mountain, figuratively it was even further removed from reality.

 

My family originally comes from a town not far from the Winelands called Robertson. Neither of my grandfathers had a University education (quite standard for the times), both if them in fact didn't even complete high school. My dad studied law on a bursary while my mother's side of the family still reside as farmers in the Robertson region; the same region which we recently visited for research as part of  our SAWIP community service projects.

 

One of my friends commented about six months ago on a blog I had written that we should have a term called an "Ad Apartheid". The term refers to the fact that in any argument or conversation in SA, someone will eventually resort to bringing up apartheid. They said it tongue in cheek with reference to myself blaming apartheid as one of the primary causes of the unrest which lead to the farm workers strike. It all feeds into some form of apartheid fatigue where people (especially those from the privileged part of our community) groan and turn away whenever someone mentions apartheid. Apartheid ended 20 years ago, we all acknowledged that it was wrong, lets get on with fixing the country, right?

 

While I believe that by far the majority of my generation admit that apartheid was wrong, I'd like to question their volition in this regard. Because the apartheid system was so obviously untenable due to social and economic reasons we often don't grasp just how morally abhorrent it really was. How could one tenth of a population oppress the majority? The homelands system was fundamentally flawed while sanctions crippled us economically. From a young age I've been told and taught (or learned as they would say where I come from) just how wrong apartheid was; so much so that I've never had to question it for myself. I'm opening up a bit of a Pandora's box by saying it but I don't think my generation (and maybe our society in general) fully appreciate how wrong it was, especially in those facets which are the closest to us.

 

It is easy to admit that the system was evil, it is more difficult to admit that when it touches you personally. It is not that we are personally liable (of course not you were barely born) but that does not exclude some type of general (and sometimes involuntary) complicity. Apartheid was wrong, but would you admit that your fathers job was unfair? Would you admit that the home you grew up in is was unjust? Are you prepared to admit that your heritage is littered with injustice, with wrongfulness and with a distinct lack of humanity?

 

I am not asking you to be racked with guilt, or to burn all of your material possessions in repentance; I'm just asking you to know yourself, and think a bit deeper where you come from.

 

It is as simple as that. Anything we do for others means nothing if it is not done with love. This is the message I found highlighted in our community service/interaction session in Robertson on Saturday 4 May 2013. The motto of the Graham and Rhona Beck Skills Centre is “nothing less, than our utmost best”. It is always heartwarming when you meet individuals who are willing to give so selflessly back to their community. It is, however, sad when you find that they feel that the change they want to see is not happening fast enough. It is easy for us to congregate and decide what we can do to contribute towards the well being of a community which we are not a part of because in essence, whatever the outcome may be, it will not affect our own well being. As a team it is different for us. We are passionate about making a difference, leaving our mark, being impactful. Yet, we realize that we are faced with constraints beyond our control. It causes me great frustration that we can only do so much in such a short period of time and hope that it is sustainable and has a ripple effect throughout the community. I could relate to so much of the challenges the people of Robertson are faced with because it is very similar to that of my own community. The issues of teenage pregnancy, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, substance abuse, and the issue that moves me the most because of its often overlooked importance, the lack of community leaders and role models. The problem that people seemed to be having was that they could not see life beyond the mountains that surround them. What we would consider a stunning view was a major hindrance for the development of this community because no one could see a future beyond it. The fact that the elders of the community lacked this vision is somewhat expected because as humans do, they get comfortable and prefer the known and start resisting change. However, it is shocking to find that none of the youth have dreams beyond that mountain. They are uninspired, unmotivated and unambitious. This of course is not an insult at all to the youth of the community but rather what should be seen as a result of the lack of guidance and leadership. They have never come across anyone in the community who has gone beyond the mountain and come back to tell tales of their successes in order to encourage them to do the same. They have no one to admire or to describe as the person they wish to be like some day. There is no one to uplift them and motivate them to dream big. I was lucky enough to grow up in a community where domestic violence, substance abuse, teenage pregnancies and youth dropping out of schools are rampant issues. However unfortunate this may seem, my fortune can be measured by the guidance I received through love by my mother. I had someone who thought of me as their greatest investment and who encouraged me to work hard towards my dreams and never give up. To summarize my thoughts, I end with these three quotes: “The world lies in the hands of those who have the courage to dream and who take the risk of living out their dreams – each according to his or her own talent.” – The Valkyries “Love does not ask many questions, because with thinking comes fear. This might be the fear of being scorned, being rejected or breaking the spell. However ridiculous this may seem, that is how it is. This is why one does not ask, one acts.” – By the river Piedra I sat down and wept. “To teach is to show what is possible; to learn is to make yourself possible.” – The Pilgrimage

Personal growth is a process of learning, unlearning, and relearning. SAWIP promotes and facilitates personal growth (i.e. learning, unlearning, and relearning) through its curriculum, as well as through the interactions that take place during and between scheduled events. One of the many lessons I have learned (or more accurately, relearnt) over the last four weeks pertains to listening.

Listening is an underrated (and an essential leadership) skill. It is arguably the most valuable and the least understood skill of leadership. In my experiences (involving both myself and others), people often (ask questions and) listen with the intent to reply, to advise, to challenge, to ‘educate’, or to solve; they do not listen with the intent to (first) understand. The power of asking meaningful questions and then listening with the intent to understand is the power to influence hearts and minds. More consequentially, it is the power to meet a core desire – to be heard and understood. People want to be listened to, and they want people around who will listen.

A man who once met Sigmund Freud described Freud’s manner of listening as follows: “It struck me so forcibly that I shall never forget him. He had qualities, which I had never seen in any other man. Never had I seen such concentrated attention. There was none of that piercing ‘soul penetrating gaze’ business. His eyes were mild and genial. His voice was low and kind. His gestures were few. But the attention he gave me, his appreciation of what I said, even when I said it badly, was extraordinary. You have no idea what it meant to be listened to like that.”

I will never have the opportunity to interact with Sigmund Freud, but I can relate to the experience of the gentleman who met Freud and conveyed, in the quoted words above, what that experience was like. On a few occasions in 2012, I had the fortunate opportunity to interact with a prominent South African. What most struck me about this individual is his ability to listen with presence; to make you feel, simply by the manner in which he listens, like there is nothing more important to him in that moment than you. Even though I do not remember everything that he and I spoke about, I will never forget the way I felt when listened to with such authenticity, presence, and unreserved attention.

Listening imparts a great deal of respect. When one listens with authenticity, presence, and unreserved attention one makes an instant impression, and builds a solid bridge for lasting connection and potential collaboration. Who can resist being around someone who suspends his/her thoughts and judgement in order to value yours?

I end with a few quotes (that I have attempted, and hopefully have managed, to arrange ‘logically’) that, I think, better convey the thoughts that I have endeavoured to express in this blog post:

“The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them.” – Ralph Nichols

“The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention.” – Rachel Naomi Remen

“The saddest part about being human is not paying attention. Presence is the gift of life.” – Stephen Levine

“When people talk, listen completely. Most people never do.” – Ernst Hemmingway

“Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.” – Winston Churchill

“People love to talk but hate to listen. Listening is not merely not talking, though even that is beyond most of our powers; it means taking a vigorous, human interest in what is being told us. You can listen like a blank wall or like a splendid auditorium where every sound comes back fuller and richer.” – Alice Duer Miller

“He did it (listened) as the world's most charming and magnetic people do, always asking the right question at the right time, never fidgeting or taking his eyes from the speaker's face, making the other guy feel like the most knowledgeable, brilliant, and intellectually savvy person on the planet.” – Stephen King

“It is the province of knowledge to speak And it is the privilege of wisdom to listen.” – Oliver Wendell Holmes

“The word 'listen' contains the same letters as the word 'silent'.” – Alfred Brendel

“Silence is a source of great strength.” – Lao Tzu

 

My grandmother had 23 grand children, one day she calls me aside, she had a serious look in her face , the one she usually gives us when we have stolen sugar or her coins. She says to me “ I have been watching you ,my heart quickly  went to tachyarrhythmia. She continues and says “ I think you are really special. I think you will do great things for the world. I said ewe makhulu(yes grand-ma), She further says but I want you to promise me three things.  Promise to take care of my daughter your mother, that did not sound too bad I love my mother so I quickly replied yes grandma, secondly I want you to promise to always do the right thing even if the right thing is not popular or comfortable. Ewe Gogo (yes grandma). She continued to her last request  “Mandilakhe (she only uses my Xhosa name when I am in trouble or she is talking of a serious matter)Promise me to never drink alcohol. I was still quite young then so I said ewe makhulU.

This one Christmas eve my cousins and I were  going to swim in the river, my older cousin comes with a carry pack of liquor with 6 green bottles in it. He takes one bottle and starts drinking, my other cousin takes one. Remembering Gogos words I declined. They both look at me as if I was crazy, come- on Cecil you always do everything we do, just take, I said no. My elder cousin looks surprised and continues to say , is it  because of what Gogo told you? I acted naive “no, what are talking about? Gogo tells all her grand children that they are special and they will do good things for the world. I was heart broken.

Drinking is a big problem in many South African communities, it poses huge treats to our families structures, health and justice system. Drinking is a leading cause of death in our roads, a leading cause of domestic violence. The Western Cape alone in South Africa has double the numbers of babies born with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome than the next province on the list, this is a new form of child abuse and it should be addressed urgently. Medically speaking alcohol has been proven to inhibit the processes of the neo-frontal cortex (the front portion of the brain) responsible judgment and reasoning.

Recently I have been attending events where a glass of wine with a cigarette in between your index and middles finger seems to be a sophisticated and diplomatic way of having a good conversation. It is amazing how much things people are able to do with their mouths, in one of the events I was at, a young lady was chewing gum, sipping wine and talking all at once if this is not dangerous then I don’t know what is. Big business deals are discussed over a smoke-break , and choices are made by drunken people. We can only live in a healthy country once we start making healthy choices .